the piece meant for you
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Rui's thoughts about watching Tsukushi and why he played his violin in the school yard so long ago...


disclaimer: yui doesn't own Hana Yori Dango, but she owns the poem in the beginning.  
  
I wondered when you would come back to me,  
  
I waited, thinking you were waiting for me.  
  
I found that I was wrong.  
  
Nothing can keep me away from you...  
  
Except myself.  
  
the piece meant for you.  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
She was standing on a bridge overlooking a lake that was standing still.   
  
I stopped myself from walking onward as I stared at her from so far away. Far enough that she couldn't notice me, but that I could continue to watch her.  
  
She had her arms folded as she leaned them on the railing with her hair done in very small pigtails because her hair was short now. None of those braids blocking her profile from me.   
  
She was wearing white shorts, a blue tank top, and a pair of tennis shoes, but she looked as if she were a statue. There was no wind and no movement anywhere.  
  
I thought it was very strange, to say the least.  
  
I didn't know why I couldn't look away, but I guess that was just how it had always been. The emergency staircase had been a way to connect to her.  
  
She thought it was my violin.  
  
I made fun of her while I kissed Shizuka's advertisement while it was plastered all over town. I almost wanted it to rain so that I could cry without showing anyone that I was capable of that emotion. My violin did that for me.  
  
Without words, who would know the truth, right?  
  
But as I placed my hands on that ad, I was going crazy for her...  
  
And there she appeared before me. I even told her that she liked me and was it her wish to be next to me. I know I embarrassed her that day.  
  
It was to make me stronger.  
  
She kept on looking into my eyes trying to see something deep inside of me. And in return, I wanted to push her so far away from me. She made me stop breathing, and questioned my relationship with Shizuka.  
  
That same weird girl asked what couldn't be bought with money. I told her air.  
  
It was a typical answer from me.  
  
But what would she have said if I had told her, "You."  
  
I caught myself, though, before I did that. I wasn't stupid like Tsukasa with my selfishness.  
  
Who was she to drive me this mad?  
  
Why couldn't I look away though?  
  
I had a date with her, and I even kissed her...but all she could breathe was Tsukasa. I wonder when did the sweetness of her liking me back had faded away while infusing itself onto Tsukasa.  
  
Was he more reliable? Was it because he was warmer than me?  
  
How could I show you these things when I felt so cold inside?  
  
And now, because he was my friend, I didn't want to get in the way. Some part of me was kind and weak like that.  
  
He was intense with his love.  
  
So outwardly caring and Tsukushi could only see it so plainly.  
  
But who was it that held her hand while he was his 'fiancee'?  
  
Who was the person she looked deeply at? Who was the person who wanted to make time stop for her during the basketball game? Who was the one first picked her up when her schoolmates wanted to really injure her, even in front of the college students?   
  
Tsukasa, who is the one that really saves her? And cares for you enough not to hurt you?  
  
Dammit, who was the person she ran to whenever she needed to be saved?   
  
Me. It was _me_.  
  
And when I actually acted on my emotions...  
  
When I actually expressed what I wanted, Shizuka went away and Tsukasa got mad at me.  
  
Did you really understand me even though I've been your best friend all this time?  
  
Maybe those of us who don't speak observe the most because they don't like listening to themselves.  
  
And all she thought was that I was in love Shizuka.  
  
Then, all she could see was Tsukasa.  
  
He crowded her until she couldn't get away. Until she got used to him liking her so much.  
  
That was where I failed.  
  
I couldn't say anything at all because I didn't know how. Either way, I was screwed over. Between saying and not saying, it wouldn't have mattered, would it?  
  
I picked up the violin next to me and began to play.  
  
This was my only way to you...  
  
Without words and through all the muddle of everyday life...  
  
Through all the shouts of the school...  
  
Into the doors within your heart...  
  
There was always a place for me there, I knew.  
  
She looked up from the lake and shook her head from side to side trying to find me as she did the first time she stared out the window into the courtyard. I looked straight into her eyes while she couldn't see me. Then, I lowered mine as I began to play more and more with my emotions running through my fingers.  
  
Understand me, understand me...  
  
"Rui, what are you doing?" Akira's voice asked as he came over to me.  
  
I immediately stopped playing.  
  
Ironically, that was the moment was about to look my way.  
  
She was about to find me through all the clutter of the leaves...  
  
I walked away with Akira as we walked home because his car was in the shop for the afternoon. I listened to him, trying to give him an attentive ear. But as he left to go into his house, I walked into my house to have the maids bow to me because I was the 'young master' (not that I thought them unkind). I bowed my head a little and went to my room, wanting to throw my violin against the wall.  
  
Crash!!!  
  
The violin fell to the ground...  
  
That's right, Tsukushi...  
  
This is your fault for bringing out all the emotions I stored away all these years, even away from Shizuka.  
  
I went over to the violin and wrapped my arms around its broken body while I felt the wood pierce into my body. Little by little, drops of blood fell to the ground while the maids asked what was wrong.  
  
I gave them a satisfactory answer as they walked away.  
  
I held the violin even closer to me because I didn't know how to cry. My blood would do that for me...  
  
Shouting from an emergency staircase waiting for you to come each time and looking if you would come. Wondering if the person who would open the doors would be you.  
  
You said that you treasured your moments with me...  
  
But you didn't know that I had been watching you for so long.  
  
Long before I picked up that trashcan and finally had the courage to look into your eyes from that far away distance.  
  
I knew you were special then.  
  
But I didn't know you would slowly kill my heart from that moment on.  
  
Without confession or the ugliness behind the validity of words,  
  
Dying inside without saying anything at all,  
  
Inanimate object expressing emotion while the animate human can't.  
  
My soul is captive inside the violin,  
  
While giving fragments away of my heart with every play.  
  
That was love, Tsukushi.  
  
Shouting without opening your mouth.  
  
That was why you understood my violin unlike anyone else.  
  
After all,   
  
that piece was only meant for you...  
  
Owari.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Hanazawa Rui was the reason why I got into HYD in the first place. I was rude enough to ignore someone who was talking to me in order to listen to the violin piece when HYD was being previewed in my anime club. I never forgot that moment because I am always captured by those who can play the piano or violin.   
  
I wrote this piece because I liked him so much, despite the fact that I'm sick. 


End file.
